1 Year

It’s hard to believe but it’s been one year since my grandmother passed away. She was 76 years old when she passed last November. I remember she went to the hospital at then end of October. She got “better” for a day and then after that she went downhill again.

Her kidneys began to shut down and we just knew that was it. There would only be a very short time left with her around us.

I was standing in her room with my mom and my sister and we were all talking. I could barely understand what my Grandma was saying, so my mom told me to get closer to her bed. So, I moved towards her and we kept chatting and my eyes began to water. I was literally watching my grandmother die. Her words were unclear, her thoughts weren’t clear and my heart was breaking.

My mom was trying to keep the conversation going, to keep my mind off of what was really happening. “Tell her about Peter being excited about the Yankees, K.C.” And before I could say another word, I felt something fall down the front of my shirt. I cupped my hands and placed them at the bottom of my shirt as if I was going to catch something.

It was necklace. My little silver ball necklace, just randomly broke and fell right off my neck, down my shirt and into my hands. I still have no idea why or how it happened but I know it was unusual.

My grandmothers state was getting worse by the day. She had so many friends and family visiting her in the hospital, saying goodbye. My Uncle was playing Frank Sinatra songs via YouTube from his blackberry and he was singing to her and dancing next to her bedside. Her eyes would roll into the back of her head and her little face would almost light up when she would hear his singing.

Long before she passed she told my mom that she wanted to have a Wake.  She wanted us to party for 3 days around her body, in traditional Irish fashion. My mom laughed it off and told her that would not be happening.

Exactly 3 days after we found out her kidneys were failing and we did all our of goodbyes and I love yous and songs and dances and jokes and stories, my grandmother passed away in her hospital bed. There was no one in the room, for once.

My grandma made her own wake, dammit. She wanted it, she got. She knew we were in the room with her celebrating her life and retelling all of the wonderful memories. And the moment it stopped and her 3 day “party” was over, she let herself rest in peace.

The day that she passed away, I spent with my family cleaning her room and going through all of her old jewelry and photos. We told more stories and laughed at so many old pictures.

I came home that evening and walked into my bathroom to get ready for bed after a very, very long day. I walked right to my sink as I do every morning and every evening and I was about to turn the sink on, I noticed there was a small silver heart sitting perfectly on my drain.

I’ve never seen the heart before. Not that day, not the day before, not ever. It wasn’t attached to anything like a chain or a band. It was literally a sole heart sitting on a drain, untouched. I freaked out and asked Peter if he had ever seen it and where it came from and he was even more clueless than I was.

I know it’s crazy and I know it seems impossible, but somewhere deep in my heart, I think that little heart was from my Grandma. That heart sits in my medicine cabinet and I will never throw it away.

A couple of months ago my friend took me to see this woman who can supposedly reach out to deceased beings. I was very skeptical, but it was free and my friend thinks very highly of this woman, so I agreed to go.

She was telling me things about my grandma that only my family and I knew. And at the end of the story, she told me to “keep that little necklace, or that little charm.I can’t tell what it is, but it’s yours. Keep it.”

Never would have touched it before, certainly will never touch it now. Keeping it, forever, Gramma.

I love you. ❤

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