Shocked

Feeling a little blue today. Last night I found out that someone I went to high school with passed away, suddenly.

I heard the news last night and was shocked. I didn’t really react right away. Then, before I went to sleep my eyes got a little watery and I talked with my fella about it.

I feel a little silly/dramatic because, currently, I wasn’t close to her. We really didn’t even talk much at all. Sometimes we would “like” or comment on each others facebook pages. It’s been months since I’ve actually seen her in person.

In high school she was the girl that you hated to love, and loved to hate. Some days she was my friend, other days she wasnt. I have a couple of different memories of actually “fighting” with her in school. Stupid high school, trash talking stuff.  Looking back it makes me laugh, really.

I remember after high school she requested me on MySpace and I laughed about it. I think I sent her a snarky little message and we had a laugh together and became social network friends. The times had changed and all that bullshit in high school about guys and homework and working on the homecoming floats together just didn’t matter anymore. I really didn’t care about any of that stuff from the past and clearly she didn’t either.

I would run into her sometimes out in bars or clubs and we were friendly. We would say hello and chat and sometimes dance together.

She knew so many people who I know so well. I have always heard so many stories about her, and have seen so many pictures. It’s unreal to think that I haven’t seen this girl in so long, yet I know so much about her life.

How old her siblings are and what their homecoming pictures look like. Where she goes on vacation and what she did on Friday night. I know how her new haircut and hair color looks. I know about her love life drama and her silly little bets she would lose.

For some reason this death just seems to really hit home. Someone my age that I knew and talked to and laughed with and yelled at, is gone. It’s something that I can’t really explain. I’ve talked to two of my other friends who feel the same that I do. We  weren’t close to her, but we are so saddened and shocked.

It makes me think about all the means things that I’ve said to her and about her. It makes me remember that life is too short. Just be kind.

I checked my Facebook this morning and 80% of the updates were for her or about her. Her Facebook wall is covered with pictures and memories. I don’t really feel comfortable writing my thoughts on her page, so that’s why I’m blogging.

 I hope she’s looking down and can see how much love people had for her. She’s made such an impact on so many lives she would probably be shocked to see it now.

You will be missed, Alicia. I hope you rest peacefully.

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3 responses to “Shocked

  1. I just barely found out, since I had company in town and wasn’t on facebook at all. I think it is absolutely terrible.

    You are right – Alicia was one of those people who affected so many people around her no matter what. We were “sometimes friends” in high school, but you always knew what was going on with her! Even though I haven’t kept in contact since then, its just deeply saddening to hear of yet another person our age who has passed away.

    I’m sorry Kerry – you wrote some poignant words and I’m glad you were able to write your thoughts down.

  2. Thank you so much, Clara. It’s just so hard to believe, ya know? And now there is a long list of unaswered questions and sad hearts.

    I can only imagine how her family and friends must be feeling.

    Sigh.

  3. Pingback: Memory | I Have a Crush

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